Part 2
Number 8: "When the county declares my hair a fire hazard." Ah, the hair. The hair is not hair. The hair is a monument. Dolly's wigs are legendary — towering, blonde, and absolutely flammable if you get too close with a curling iron. The joke here is that her hair is so big, so voluminous, so structurally unsound that local government has to step in. It's a classic Dolly hair joke, but it also reminds you that she's been rocking this look since the 1960s. She's not changing it for anyone. Not even the fire marshal.
Number 7: "Confused Dalai Lama constantly asking for theme park royalties." Okay, this one requires a quick history lesson. Dollywood opened in 1986 in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. It's a real theme park. It has roller coasters. It has a replica of Dolly's Tennessee Mountain Home. It is a major tourist destination. So why would the Dalai Lama be confused? Because "Dollywood" sounds like it could be a spiritual retreat? Because "Dolly" and "Dalai" are both two-syllable words starting with D? The absurdity is the point. The idea that the Dalai Lama — the spiritual leader of Tibetan Buddhism, a Nobel Peace Prize winner — would be sitting in a gift shop demanding a cut of the bumper car revenue is so stupid it circles back to genius. And Dolly sells it with a straight face.
So what do these four have in common? They all poke fun at Dolly's own image. Her cheapness. Her nails. Her hair. Her name. She is in on the joke. That's the secret sauce. Most celebrities get defensive when you mock their look. Dolly built a career on it. She knows that the wigs, the nails, the rhinestones — they're not distractions from her talent. They're part of the package. And when she reads these pet peeves, she's inviting you to laugh with her, not at her.
But here's the thing: these aren't just random jokes. They're a warm-up. Because the next three pet peeves — numbers 6, 5, and 4 — bring in guest stars, wig repairs, and a certain country music superstar who shall remain nameless. For now. Let's keep walking.
Stop 3: Numbers 6 to 4 — Guest Stars, Wigs, and Garth Brooks
Now we hit the middle of the list, where Dolly stops poking fun at herself and starts poking at the people around her. This is where the pet peeves get personal — but in that affectionate, rhinestone-wrapped way only Dolly can pull off.
Number 6: "You can't get a wig repaired because Letterman's got some kind of a hairpiece crisis." That's a direct jab at David Letterman, the host of the Late Show, who was famous for his gap-toothed smile and occasionally joked about his own hair. The line lands because it's absurd — Dolly's wigs are so iconic they deserve their own repair shop, but Letterman's hairpiece emergency is apparently hogging all the resources. It's a meta-joke about the show itself, and Dolly delivers it with a straight face that makes it even funnier.
But wait — there's more. The cutaway to "Dave's cousin Kenny" is a character bit where someone fills in for Dave. In the transcript, we hear: "Hello, I'm Dave's cousin Kenny. Dave was smoking a cigar and had to go home early, so Dave asked if I could fill in." This is pure late-night chaos. It's a meta-joke about the show's own format, and it adds a layer of silliness that keeps the audience on their toes. You never know who's going to show up when Dolly's in the building.
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Number 5: "Rhinestone rest." That's it. A quick pun on "rhinestone" and "rest" — possibly a play on "Rhinestone Cowboy" or just a silly phrase. It's the kind of joke that flies by so fast you almost miss it, but it's a perfect example of Dolly's ability to turn a simple word into a laugh. Keep it light, keep it moving — that's the Dolly way.
Number 4: "When he visits Dollywood gift shops, Garth Brooks always shops at the shoplifts stuff under that big hat of his." This is a playful roast of country star Garth Brooks, who was at his peak in the 1990s. Brooks is known for his hat and his wholesome image, so the idea of him sneaking merchandise under it is delightfully absurd. It's a joke that works because it's so out of character — and because Dolly and Garth are both country music icons. She can get away with it because she's a legend herself, and the tone is affectionate, not mean.
Why does Dolly get away with roasting Garth Brooks? Because she's Dolly Parton. She's earned the right to poke fun at anyone, and everyone knows it comes from a place of love. It's the kind of humor that makes you feel like you're in on the joke, not the target of it.
So far, the tour has taken us through Dolly's business sense, her wigs, and her fellow country stars. But we're just getting warmed up. Next, we'll dive into numbers 3 and 2, where smart-ass MCs and the Super Bowl get their comeuppance. Trust me, you won't want to miss it.
Stop 4: Numbers 3 to 2 — Smart Ass MCs and the Super Bowl
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Alright, stop four on our guided tour. We’re deep in the countdown now, and the pet peeves are getting personal. Number three and number two aren’t just random annoyances — they’re windows into Dolly Parton’s worldview. And they’re both hilarious.
